Disjointed jottings

My firm conviction that women are my preferred  objects of desire stand corrected after the stay in the ashram. I'll admit it, even in the ashram I used to check the gals out. Yeah, I know, what a hard life a man has ! But not with hope or pleading eyes, as in the outside world. Oh no,Here we are the catch ! We are the ones who are forbidden to mix with them . A la role reversal. Yes we brahmacharis (even though short term !) are the prize catch indeed. Also the protective atmosphere of the ashram makes it easy to treat it as a game , and not the life and death scenario that chasing a woman usually involves. :D Hell I don't do chasing , I get chased.

It was this week that I realized that all this changed albeit temporarily. Usually I used to subtly check the women out on the way to the dining hall which was the only place where you could relaistically meet them. Any pretty girls visiting? But this week I suddenly realized I had stopped doing this. Now before you make assumptions like my  kundalini had begun its upward ascent or something like that,  I'll tell you my new vice. Actually there are a few. Topping the list is Gulab jamun. Ahhh heaven , bliss intoxication, I had 3 today. So sweet so soft. No need to seduce that sugary little brown ball. Where's the need to say sweet nothings ?Also not really necessary to take your clothes off for full enjoyment. Although I do admit to looking lovingly at them before they disappeared down my alimentary canal.God i can still taste those 3 juicy slightly crunchy gulab jamuns. Fruit Custard ( be still my heart !) comes second and Jalebi a close third.

The funny or not so funny part is that I am not alone. Its one of the greatest paradoxes in spirituality that the more you delve into yourself the more the world opens to you in every way. You notice the flowers that you never noticed before on the sidewalk. The river so ordinary before now seems endless in its shades and movement. The women are all pretty , irrespective whether they are 16 or 60. Maybe why all the scriptures warn the aspirant to not look at the opposite sex.The food has never tasted as delicious as this ever. Even though you are lectured day in and out on the impermanence of desire the desire is still there. Only it transfers to a more acceptable vice. That's why you will find many sanyasins/priests with a thing for food. Im hardly a sanyasin but since ive been following their lifestyle for 2 months i guess ive developed some of their qualities !
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The most comfortable item of wear in a hot climate has to be the mundu(dhoti). Yes indeed I'm loving the feeling of wearing a skirt and connecting with the feminine side of me ! Last post I wrote how unusual it was to find a ladies bag in the Ganga. My friend rang a couple of numbers from an address  book in the bag. He located the lady who came to meet him distraught, to collect her belongings. She had arrived in Rishikesh the previous evening with her friend and was staying in an ashram on the opposite bank. She goes for an early morning dip with her handbag, leaves it at the side of the river on the ghats takes 3 dips in 15 seconds turns around and oui, it's gone with 7000/-. AGH , women ! Not a tiny sum for an Indian. That's India, folks spirituality happily coexists( i think!) with depravity, all part of a universal moral order. I better stop before I start a lecture ...
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Still in matters related to the dining hall there was a lady there yesterday handing out crisp 100/- notes to the Sanyasins. The monks are ones who are supposed to have renounced everything and live on the charity of others. Still it seemed wierd to see them accept it so casually without guilt,happiness or thankfulness as if it was just a daily affair. I was helping the kitchen out late into the afternoon when the Swami who manages the dining hall materializes infront of me with the 'cash lady'. 'These guys do seva(selfless service, ha!) here' , pointing to me and another guy. My co-sevak jumped for the money with glee. I mumbled something to the Swami about the inappropriateness but found it rude/uncomfortable to refuse. In the end i think I did the right think coz my ego took  a big hit. I was a beggar although a bit of a posh one. You know the whole point of begging is to reduce/annihilate the ego. I've no doubt about that considering how difficult it was to accept money even when doled out with a free heart.