My 5 best thumps !

The title might have got a fair number of you excited if you mistook thumps for humps. Apologies!  Blogadda is trying to get bloggers to write about five instances when they really felt like whacking someone.

Five occasions  when I would really liked to have got physical :

1.    On a recent 2 months yoga course, there was this guy who never spared any opportunities to be the centre of attention. He put his hand up for everything. Yeah the obligatory over enthusiastic guy in every class. He was instrumental in motivating us to volunteer for an NGO to pick rubbish from the street. But conveniently on the days when we needed to go out and pick stuff he was ‘sick’. On the last day of the course, a Canadian camera crew turned up to shoot a documentary about the NGO. They only wanted those who had regularly volunteered to be part of the shoot to make it look more natural. Unashamedly, our man was first in the line for picking rubbish .It took all my yogic abilities not to give in to the temptation to strangle him. But due to Health and Safety regulations (Canada), all of us were required to wear masks that day. So no one was recognizable, including our hero!

2.    Once on a skiing trip I found myself in a dorm with a guy who thought his moral duty to share his love for loud phone music with the world. The music was always on whatever he did, wherever he went! In the loo. Changing clothes. Walking. In the mess. Farting. Skiing. Flirting. How can I forget him trying to seduce a girl by pumping up the tinny volume, shaking his skinny ass and winking in her direction? Sublime! Our complaints fell on his obviously deaf ears. But during our time together I would get the urge to rearrange his facial anatomy at least once during the day! 
Conversations can lead to humping (for some lucky guys), but in my case they more often lead to imaginary thumping. 2 such instances…

 3.  The setting: a wedding in Kerala.
‘So mone, what are you up to now?’ asks concerned ‘Uncle’

‘Err I'm travelling, Uncle.’

‘Good! Good ! But where is yuar job?’ Ah, the good old mallu accent!

I take deep breath.

‘I’m taking a break from work’

‘But you said the same thing 2 years back!’

I start counting down from 10.

‘Yes uncle, I'm still travelling and loving it’, with plastic smile.

‘Where’s your dad? I have to talk to him. Young men shouldn’t be allowed to wander by themselves.’ Uncle wanders off in search of Dad.

Close to bursting point, but am saved by the curvy single daughter of said uncle who sashays to where I'm standing and asks admiringly, ‘So you really travel full time?'

4. Another conversation with uncle, later in the day:
‘Ah mone, I was waiting to talk to you again’

‘Wow, so was I’, plastic smile.

‘Really, about what?’

‘Err, well, err you know general knowledge, I mean general topics, politics, ble...’

‘Ok Ok, the reason I wanted to talk to you is because your dad is concerned by your lifestyle.’


‘Yes he thinks you should stabilize’


‘You come from a good family, its time you thought about marriage.’

Direct frontal assault.

‘I saw you talking to Anju. What do you think about her?’

‘The …Ahh…you…she’s nice, yes she’s a nice HOMELY girl’. Maybe baldy daddy will get the hint.

‘Ha I knew it. She likes you too. She just told me. I spoke to your dad already.’

‘What the $%$%$%?!!!'

  Now you should settle down and get a job'

‘But…’ I feel a light touch on my arm and turn to see the smile of curvy single Anju. Cold sweat and a thumping/humping feeling!

5. This happened today. I was climbing a newly painted iron spiral staircase to the second floor shop by the side of a busy road. It was so windy that the staircase was shaking! Damn! When I got to the top, pure emptiness! The staircase was a good 2 feet from the shop and propped up by sticks and PVC pipes! I could have just disembarked and had my legs plastered. No warning signs, nothing! Laughing faces all around. Blood pressure shoots up along with embarrassment. I see my reflection in the shop window and feel like thumping, the idiot that I am.             


  1. Whoa! That was some w(h)acky post bro. . . I loved the 4th and 5th one specially. . . So did u get rid of the "curvey" situation?

  2. You really travel full time!!??
    Oh, I so do envy you!! :o)

  3. You travel full time? tsk tsk u should settle down with the curvy as the uncle suggested :P :P..WHACK LOL..

    Nice post bud!!! :D

  4. hahahahaha ...... nice one . I'd like to know how you got out of that situation at no.4 . Do tell me .... :)

  5. Hahaha..Good one..People just cannot tolerate happy single guy, can they (especially in India)..Whacky post man..ATB :-)

  6. awesome post, loved every bit of it. though my favorite undoubtedly was the over-concerned uncle...! lol

    must have had a hard time with him.:P

  7. SavvY, incredibly I managed to straighten out the curvy situation ;)

  8. Sasha, as of now I do travel full time. It has its ups and downs as with everything else, not really something to be envious about ;)

  9. Nishant, would love to settle down with curvy, but not with my current schedule ;)

  10. Abhster, about situation no.4. Once she got to know about my love for 3rd class train travel and zero bank balance, she ran for the door ! ;)

  11. Bullseye, you have hit the bulls eye indeed. very low tolerance level all over India for said' happy single guy'...tsk tsk !

  12. Sneha, my hard core fan, what would I do without you ? Yes uncleji did give Pan a hard time :P

  13. Trust me when I say we are so envious of you-single and traveling? That's a double "HMPH" at you!!

  14. @ Pan

    Wow..what a whack!
    Liked the 5th one!

    Bwt: Thankyou for visiting my blog "Humming Today" and leaving your link back:)

    ~ Keep the Spark ALive..

  15. Haha. nice post..
    Unfortunately I could never stick to five, some say I have a violent streak which really threatens to come out when loud music and/or loud over concerned aunties come in to picture.

  16. hahaha...u got me with the title dude...i was expecting action when i came here, but of a different kind! ;)

    1. we all know atleast one person of that category...don't we?

    2. these speaker cell phones with music have become a real pain almost everywhere i go too! "use headphones u bozos!!" my mind screams out 2 them, but alas, my mind ain't all that loud :(

    3. aha aha...if the conversation with uncle would lead 2 an ending with curvy by your side, i wouldn't mind that! ;)

    4. n the 3rd point culminates in a logical conclusion...anju sounds fun ;)

    5. buhahaha...the best of the lot! :D

  17. I like this post <3* this much! :)
    And no,ur not much of an idiot!

  18. I also like the new blog picture!
    Oh yes,i like far too many things :)

  19. Omg this post was so funny, I laughed my ass off!! Expecially the wedding one.Lol. And I see new blog colors!

  20. Gal, lol... lets just say one is of my choice and the other is not ;)

  21. Rachana, good to see you here :)

  22. BB, havent seen you in a bit , welcome back.. ah this is the edited version, my whackables run into their thousands !

  23. blunt edges, thank you for the detailed feedback ! the bozos with speaker cell phones are a real pain indeed ! :)

  24. Raji, i loved your 2 bubbly enthusiastic rants ! new blog pic is not actually my own boat but of one of our neighbours. i have my eye on it though ;)

  25. Jeeves, you are very perceptive to spot the new colours in the wardrobe. I did the best tweaking I could with my non existent computer skills ! good to see u after the hibernation !

  26. Hee for the first time I want to say Thank god for masks!! served him right to be wearing one for the camera :)

    Hi to a fellow Keralite :) and what about the proposal? are you not single any more?? sobs...

    Aww one last step on that ladder and you would not be competing with me on this contest *shudders*

  27. Well, I still envy you. Travelling full time - now what I wouldn't do just to make that my current status. :o)

  28. Aaaahaahahahaa sadly funny (or funnily sad?) blog! Loved it! :)

  29. Sakshi, great to meet a fellow mallu (on the net !). Ha ladies rejoice, im still not taken !

  30. Sasha, dont envy me too much, i might lose my travelling status soon ! ;)

  31. Elmo thanks for the compliment !!! :)

  32. You are funny. This post doesn't qualify for the BlogAdda contest. Come on, let the the PMSing women (or concerned Mallu unGles?) win this one ;-)

    But I have to ask, what *were* you doing for a living before you started traveling? I'm broke and pissed and desperately need to come up with a constructive plan to make money and 'waste' it.

  33. I know just what you're talking about! whats with the concern? i the marriage atmosphere makes them feel responsible for marrying of the rest of the world.
    And the loud phone music. I live in a world full of those morons. I mean Smack That?!

  34. He..he..LoL had good time reading it :D.If you are a full-time traveler,then here's someone who is absolutely envying you.Someday i would like to pack my mundane life aside and do whole lots of traveling :)

  35. Judy, how right you were. The Blogadda people wrote me the same thing. They are also on the side of the bloody pmsing women and mallu uncles. ha what i did for a living before is classified info. it would put the security of the nation at serious risk. seriously. i really got bored of the james bond lifestyle. welcome to Dmusings!

  36. Nivedita right on. But its a no win situation anyway. Marry and be damned, stay single and also be damned ! ;)

  37. Jayanti thanks for the sweet words and the envy ! Ah this is what life is all about... welcome to my world ! :)

  38. Rofl...a good start for my day....:-P
    Thanks for sharing..!!


Thanks for taking the time to write :)